How I became A Better Leader at Work

One of the enduring lessons from the years I spent managing a team of 30 is how little my success had to do with anything I did on an individual level.

Late nights spent alone at my desk burning the midnight oil didn’t buy me respect or accolades.

Showing up early and volunteering myself to take on more than I could didn’t win me praise from higher-ups.

Booking vacations to “recharge” and then spending entire flights hunched over my laptop working didn’t help me score a bigger annual bonus.

What these moments did award me was far too much anxiety, many sleepless nights and copious amounts of resentment. Within 2 years on the job, I was ready to quit. It was too much, I reasoned. I couldn’t handle it all. I was paid well but I was spiraling toward burnout.

I dragged myself into my boss’ office one May afternoon and found myself embarrassingly close to tears. A massive project had landed on my lap and I didn’t know how I could handle it along with the other duties on my plate. 

His face was far from sympathetic. It was, if anything, bored. Borderline impatient. 

“Tell me what you need to get this done,” he said. “I don’t expect you to do this alone. But you have to tell me what resources you need.”

I’m slightly ashamed to admit I went into his office that day half-hoping he’d deliver some rousing speech about what a hard worker I was and how sorry he was for putting so much on my shoulders.

What I got was a wake-up call that I’ll never forget. From that day forward, I started to understand where I — not him, nor anyone else I had unfairly blamed in the past — had gone wrong.

I had assumed every project that fell on my lap was mine to complete. Even though I had a budget for contractors to help during busy periods, I got too swept up in doing everything alone to even touch the funds. Month after month, I proudly gave reports on how little budget was used, thinking I was doing us all a favor, and yet there I was, coming apart at the seams unnecessarily. 

I had the fat salary and the fancy title but the truth was I wasn’t really a leader, not yet. 

But from that day forward, I became one. 

I learned to figure out how much help I needed and how much it would cost. I learned how to create budget forecasts based on projects sent my way and how to staff those projects on the fly. I learned how much my team could handle and what we needed to push back on. I started with freelancers and one direct report and eventually oversaw a team of 30, plus 100+ contractors. As a team, we scaled our content operation from 30 articles per month to over 400 articles per month over the next few years. 

I stopped coming in early and leaving late. I took vacations and actually vacationed. I encouraged my team to do the same. I reminded them, time and again, to tell me what they needed so we could accomplish goals together. That they weren’t meant to handle it all alone.

When you know better, you do better. I’m so glad I didn’t quit when I wanted to. I’m so grateful my boss didn’t coddle me or try to make things better himself. He gave me a chance to grow into the leader I wanted to become and the one I knew so many people in my past never expected me to be.

If leadership is the path you choose, keep this story in mind. 

Knowing how and when to ask for help doesn’t make you weaker or less valuable. 

It’s your superpower. 

Use it wisely.