How Motherhood Helped Me Become A Better Leader at Work

(“Working” from home during the pandemic.)

When I realized I was ready to become a mother, the hard work began long before I went into labor.

For me to feel supported and able to show up at both work and home as my best self, it wasn’t enough to make sure my company offered maternity leave (which, thankfully, it did). I needed to know I had support when I returned as well.

I was a Senior Director at the time at the helm of a rapidly growing but still young team that hadn’t gelled yet and certainly didn’t feel like it could survive without me for several months.

I was desperate for assistance at that point. I had inherited a dozen new direct reports due to an acquisition and was tasked with the seemingly impossible challenge of integrating them into our culture and processes. Within three months, about half of them quit. Not long after, one of my tried and true direct reports turned in her resignation.

It felt like the floor dropped out from under my feet.

I hadn’t told her yet, but I had planned to push for her promotion to my assistant director. I knew I couldn’t be the kind of mom I wanted to be in the future without a strong support system at work. In my mind, she was the bedrock of that foundation.

It wasn’t until later that I realized she did me and the entire team a huge favor by leaving. Her departure forced me to stop thinking of fitting the people I had into roles that I needed to fill. Instead, I focused on what roles I needed to fill first and worried about finding the right people later.

This approach might sound heartless, but it was really the best strategy for building the kind of team and infrastructure we needed not only to be successful in our work but also resilient to change – whether it be budget cuts or employee turnover, both inevitable in the business world.

Suddenly, I had several open headcounts to fill and got the all-clear from my manager to use the spots for whatever roles I wanted. Writer roles became editor roles. Copy editor roles became managing editor roles. And, finally, I could hire an administrative assistant! That was one of my favorite hires of all. I spent way too much time dealing with office tasks that had nothing to do with my work, like arguing with the landlord over leaky toilets and ordering new hires’ computers and badges.

I redoubled my efforts to continue building a team that could virtually exist without me, which I now realize is something that not enough women leaders who want to be mothers are taught how to do.

How do you create a team that could exist without you without feeling like you'd basically be creating a case to just get rid of you?

It’s so important to change that limiting mindset if you want to succeed as a leader, I learned.

I had to get over myself and get out of my own way. If you start to believe that your value to a team is that you know how things work and that’s why people need you, you’re not going very far. That’s your first step toward burnout and ultimate failure. It comes from a place of insecurity and lack of knowledge about what good, true leadership is.

I needed to create systems and processes that were standardized and available for everyone in a centralized location so I no longer had to be the only keeper of knowledge on my team.

One of the systems I realized was lacking on my team was a clear career pathing plan so that we could create some stability. I understood that retaining my team would mean giving them that assurance that they weren't stagnant. We had no such career pathing plan or framework at my company. So I created a spreadsheet, submitted it to HR and my manager and got it approved. And I rolled it out to the team and let them know. “Here's the path,” I said. “Here's the plan. This is a living, breathing document. We're going to change it and make it better as we go but it’s important to have something we can all work from.”

On top of that, I had to think of the biggest parts of my day to day tasks that were taking up the largest chunks of time that I knew I could teach someone else to do. The office assistant was a massive help in that area.

Next, I spent a huge chunk of time managing a network of dozens of freelancers who were instrumental to our team's success but required so much time and energy to track, recruit, manage and pay on time. So I prioritized hiring an editor who could take that over.

From there, it was a matter of working with my manager to figure out what were our business priorities, and then making sure that I had a headcount underneath me dedicated to that line of business.

But we also had to stay super flexible because it was a common theme at that point for business leaders to come to my team with a big project out of the blue, throwing a bunch of money at us as if it was some kind of treat, and then telling us we had a limited time to use the funds or they'd be gone.

So I created a framework for building up a team of contractors who could be nimble and flexible when those opportunities arose that we could activate pretty much immediately.

This was all happening at least a year before I even started trying to get pregnant. I knew I needed to create a ton of new processes and roles but also give them time to marinade, so-to-speak, and make tweaks before I could really step away.

Slowly, but surely, the pressure lifted off my shoulders.

All those nights when I was at the office well after 9 p.m. weren't necessary anymore. My time was spent less on administrative tasks and much more with half-hour one on one sessions with my direct reports to guide them and train them and lead them to be the best at their jobs.

It freed me up finally to start thinking bigger and more strategically about how our team operated and how it functioned — and what we needed for the day when I wouldn't be there.

I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the support of my manager at the time, someone who

was wise enough to tell me directly that I needed to start thinking about what I needed to succeed, and what I needed to feel supported. He pushed me to find the solutions to my own problems.

One of the last pieces to the puzzle was finding my assistant director. Finally, about six months after beginning my search, I found the perfect fit. It just so happened that I hired her a couple of months into my pregnancy. At the time, she didn't know. And honestly, it didn't matter, because I knew she was going to be taken care of.

I had spent the past year building up the framework, the processes, and our entire team’s brand equity within the company so they would have everything she needed to succeed.

When I finally did leave for maternity leave in late 2019, the team could not have been better prepared. Like clockwork, one of those crazy random projects fell on our laps a few days before my departure date was set, but I didn’t bat an eye.

I knew that they would be okay without me.

I had made sure of that long ago.

How are you creating solutions to the problems at work that are causing you stress, strain and undue anxiety?

What can you control, and what can’t you control?

These are the important questions we have to be introspective about as leaders.

For anyone who thinks that leadership and motherhood are oil and water, I'm here to debunk that. I'm here to empower you to create the environment for yourself where you can do both.

No one cares more about our success than we do, right?

If you're at a point in your life where you think you may want to have a child, be honest with yourself about what it’ll take to start making moves today that can set you up for success later.

The fact that I was willing to get over myself and admit that I really did want to have a kid meant that I gave myself time to start preparing and planning for it.

One of the wonderful things about leaving is that your team gets to feel proud of themselves when they can be there for you. People want to help you when you're a good leader and letting them help you is incredibly crucial.

Why deny them the wonderful feeling of being useful and supporting a colleague?

So, on this Mother's Day, whether you're already a mama or you're like me a few years ago, planning and plotting at work to prepare for that day, I hope this helps you feel empowered to create an environment where you don’t have to choose one or the other.

Go get ‘em mamas!

Happy Mother’s Day.

xM